Monday Musings - “Afraid of the dark”

It’s Monday, July 21, 2014

I should have titled this post “The Art of Negotiating and Reasoning with a 5 year old.” Over the last few nights, our oldest son has seemed to develop a fear of the dark.  For the last five years he has been in a virtually pitch black cave and yet now, its scary.  Harper and I have realized that Joel, our oldest, runs the house in many ways.  He gets what he wants most of the time.  I don’t believe that he is spoiled, but since he is the one paving the way for us as parents we sometimes learn our lesson as to what NOT to do.  So we have tightened the belt a little bit.  The battle we chose to fight was closing the door all the way at bed time.  Cue epic meltdown.  

Joel was screaming his lungs out saying that he will be scared.  We (somewhat calmly) asked what he is afraid will happen.  He couldn’t answer.  I began to lose hope (and control), but never escalated to powering up on him, and yet never backing down from the stance we were taking.  We finally found a compromise when Harper offered him a flashlight to keep with him in his bed and we were able to close the door.  He even woke up this morning really proud of himself that he slept through the night with the door closed.  He even said, “Daddy I didn’t even complain all night!”.  Victory.  

Where am I going with this story…

Last night, I had the opportunity to speak to CAM, our college age ministry.  I shared a message that I have shared several times before.  The answer to the question “What does God want from you?” is not our obedience or our sacrifice or even our hearts, but rather, our need for him.  That is what we can truly offer him.  Our need.  If we begin with our devotion, sacrifice or obedience, then we are the ones in control proving something to God whereas offering him our need puts him in control.  The greater we confess our need for him, the greater our encounter with him can be.  When we have experienced his love in the midst of our darkest reality our response of devotion and obedience is now warranted and appropriate, but it starts with our need for him.  

After sharing this message with CAM, I came home to the epic meltdown.  In the midst of us trying to hold strong to the ground rules that we laid out, I had a heart breaking experience.  I closed Joel’s door (for the 20th time) and walked into the kitchen.  Screaming, wailing and crying ensued.  Among the shrieks and wails were some of these phrases

“Daddy, I need you”

“Daddy, I want you here with me”

“Daddy, I’m all alone”

I stood over our kitchen sink, and cried.

I knew that what I was doing was going to be beneficial for him in the long run and yet it tore my heart out to hear him literally cry out to me with what was (in his mind) life or death desperation.  I know that our boys are shaping their image of God based on Harper and me.  I had just told these college students about going to God with their greatest need and he will meet you in your need every time.  Here I was, intentionally disappointing my sons cries for his father to meet him in his greatest need.  I know that I was doing the right thing, and like I said earlier, he was actually really proud of himself this morning and so it was a parental victory.  I just hope and pray that Joel still believes that he can cry out with his whole heart, regardless of how irrational it may be, and that he will be loved.  I probably told Joel 100 times that I loved him while the meltdown was happening.  I trust that subconsciously he heard that and believes that.  

I feel like I got a glimpse into the heart of God.  Sometimes I view God as arbitrary and unpredictable.  Knowing that he loves me, but not knowing what kind of hell on earth he is going to let me experience.  The pain that I felt for my son while he was crying out to me, all the while knowing that this was going to be of benefit for his character gave me a hint as to what God feels when we are shaking our fists at him saying, “Why why why!! Why would you let this happen to me! you must not care enough or are too busy!”

I think that he stands over his kitchen sink, and cries, and then says “I hear you, I love you, and this will be beneficial for you in the long run.”  

Verse of the day:

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”  Philippians 3:14 NIV

Music theory Nugget: Rhythm!!!!!

I was asked last night what one needs to do to get into the basics of learning the guitar.  My answer was immediate and didn’t need any pondering.  “Rhythm!”  That is true of any instrument or voice.  I have said it before in these musings and I will say it again.  If you can master counting and subdividing rhythm, you will be able to play/sing  anything.

If you are still reading this, thanks for hanging on to my musings.  More to come next week.

Bobby